If you’ve taken a step back from dating, you’re not the only one. 78% of dating app users have experienced burnout, being mentally, emotionally, or completely fried by the whole thing.
And it’s not just the apps. 55% of people said a previous breakup made them more reluctant to start dating again. 🙁
So if you’ve deleted the apps, said no to a setup from a mate, or the thought of getting your heart broken again makes you want to run for the hills, you’re in very good company.
We don’t blame you one bit. Sometimes the best thing you can do is press pause, throw yourself into work, book the holiday, get the haircut… whatever helps you feel like you again.
But, somewhere along the way, a little question tends to creep in.
Am I actually ready to date again?
The truth is, there isn’t a magic number of weeks or months that suddenly means you’re over your ex. And there definitely isn’t a rule that says you should be dating again just because everyone else seems to be.
Being ready is less about how much time has passed and much more about how you actually feel.
So instead of guessing, here are some of the biggest signs you’re ready to date again.
you’re curious about someone, not just bored
It’s easy to feel pressure to get back out there. But dating because you feel like you should is very different from dating because you actually want to.
Though most are simply hoping to meet someone they genuinely connect with, fewer than one in five young adults say they’re dating to fit in or feel validated.
Makes sense really. There’s a big difference between wanting to meet someone because you’re genuinely curious about them, and wanting to meet someone because a Friday night on your own feels unbearable. One comes from a good place. The other one ends with you texting your ex at 11 pm.
If you find yourself swiping because you’re bored, lonely, or trying to escape something else going on, it might be worth asking yourself if you’re after a connection or just a distraction.
But if the thought of getting back out there has you picturing an actual person, what they’re like, what you’d talk about, what would make you both laugh, that’s a sign you’re ready to see where a real connection could lead.
thinking about your ex doesn’t send you spiralling
On average, people usually start feeling noticeably better around 11 weeks after a breakup. That doesn’t mean you’ll wake up on day 78 feeling brand new, but it does show that healing isn’t about forgetting someone overnight.
If your chest tightens every time your relationship comes up, or you find yourself changing the subject fast, there’s probably a bit of healing left to do.
But if your ex pops up on your feed, someone mentions their name, or you walk past that coffee shop you used to go to, and your whole day carries on as normal, that’s good news. You’re moving forward, not stuck looking back.
If you’re still a bit sad about how things ended, that’s okay too. Being ready to date again doesn’t mean your past relationship should feel like it never happened. You can still miss someone, still feel a bit hurt, and still be excited about meeting someone new.
The difference is whether those feelings are just passing moments or whether they still have the power to completely knock you off course. So, if one reminder sends you spiralling for the rest of the day, you might need some time before you’re ready to get to know someone properly (and that’s completely fine!).
a bad date doesn’t feel like the end of the world
Being ready to date again doesn’t mean expecting every person you meet to be your perfect match. It means being okay with the fact that some dates will be a bit rubbish, and still being up for trying anyway.
There’s a big difference between “I’m a little nervous” and “what if this goes badly and proves dating just isn’t for me.”
Only around a quarter of people say they’re able to stay positive after a bad date or relationship setback, so if a slightly awkward evening sounds annoying at worst, not terrifying, you might be more ready than you think. A bad date is just a bad date, not proof dating isn’t for you.
But if the fear of a bad date is putting you off trying at all, that’s worth sitting with for a second. Are you worried about being rejected, getting hurt again, or just feeling disappointed? Figuring out what’s actually behind the fear can help you understand what you need before putting yourself back out there.
you’ve got room for someone else
Dating takes a bit of effort.
That means listening to their stories, replying to messages, making plans, and being open enough to let someone slowly become part of your life. If you’re already running on empty, that’s a lot to ask of yourself, and it’s not fair on the other person either.
That doesn’t mean you need your whole life sorted before you’re allowed to date again.
If the thought of setting aside an evening to get to know someone feels exciting rather than like another thing to tick off your to-do list, you’re probably in a much better place to date. You’ve got the headspace to be curious, present and genuinely get to know another person.
But if it feels exhausting before it’s even happened, it’s worth pressing pause for now. The right relationship deserves your attention, not whatever energy you can spare at the end of the day.
so you’re ready, now what?
Cool, so you might actually be ready to start dating again. Just please don’t redownload the apps and start swiping like it’s 2019, we’ve already covered why that ends badly.
Come along to one of our events instead. We’ve done the work to group you with people with similar interests, then our reps are on hand all night to make sure the introductions actually happen.
No profiles, no small talk over lukewarm pints, just a proper activity and some interesting people who also happen to be single.
And yes, 94% of people come solo, so if the idea of turning up alone is putting you off, you’ll be in good company from the moment you walk through the door.
Who knows? You might meet someone you really click with. Or you might just have a brilliant evening and leave with a few new friends. Either way, that’s a pretty good way to spend an evening.
Come find us in your city and see what all the fuss is about x
