One of the most frequently asked questions we get – and an absolutely valid one too.👏 The honest answer?
Going it alone is usually better for meeting people.
Going with a friend makes it easier to walk through the door.
Because feeling nervous before an in-person dating event is completely normal. Whether it’s your first event or your fifteenth, walking into a room full of strangers can be overwhelming – and if you’ve found yourself standing outside, checking the time or wondering whether to go in, you’re not the only one.
It may also be that you’ve got so used to dating apps that you’ve forgotten how to date in real life, but don’t worry, we can help with that (read why singles are leaving dating apps behind). 👀
So we’ve broken it down: the case for going alone, the case for bringing a friend with you and how to walk into a dating event confidently either way.
why most people turn up on their own
When you arrive at a singles event, you’ll find that most people have come alone. At Haystack, 94% of our guests do.
Often it’s simply practical. You might not have any single friends to bring along with you, they might live too far away, or they’ve cancelled on you last minute (not cool). But plenty of people choose to come alone – not having a comfort blanket to fall back on means you actually speak to people.
And it shouldn’t feel awkward. A well-run event is hosted and structured so you know exactly what to do and what to expect. 👏
At Haystack, our events are hosted by reps who are always on hand to make introductions – that’s what they’re there for. Plus, not long after you arrive, you’ll be introduced to a smaller group of single people you have things in common with – so you’re never really standing on your own.
Matching is built on the questionnaire you fill out when you sign up, which we mapped around our own research into what leads to meaningful connections. We balance the ratios in every group too, so you don’t have to worry about the numbers.
Remember, everyone’s in the same boat: a bunch of interesting people who all happen to be single and looking to meet someone. ⛵
Whether or not you should go to a singles event alone is entirely up to you – there are just some things worth considering…
should you go to a singles event alone?
Going to a singles event alone is nothing to be afraid of. The format does the hard work for you – dating events with Haystack are group-based, so there’s no pressure of a 1:1 interaction and it feels less like a formal date and more like grabbing a drink with friends.
From our experience, going it alone is 100% the best way to meet new people and here’s why:
✅ more openness to meeting new people
✅ no comfort blanket to fall back on, so you actually talk to people
✅ freedom to move around the room
✅ you can leave on your own terms
✅ privacy – no one reporting back in the group chat 👀
Now that’s not to say you can’t bring a friend.
should you go to a singles event with a friend?
Going to a singles event with a friend can really help boost your confidence – especially if you’re both single and have had enough of dating apps.
We just think it’s important that you establish some ground rules before you go. That way, you help each other rather than hinder each other. 🤝
Here’s why going to a singles event with a friend can help:
✅ someone to walk into the event with
✅ a confidence boost before you go in
✅ a second pair of eyes
✅ an escape route from a conversation
✅ a debrief on the way home – the fun part.
The one rule: Don’t be stuck to each other all night. Agree beforehand that you’ll split up once you’re in and that if either of you starts chatting to someone, the other will happily leave you to it.
At the end of the day, you’re both there to meet someone new, so be the best wingman you can be.
how to feel confident walking in on your own
Regardless of whether or not you decide to go it alone or with a friend, here are some practical tips to help you feel confident walking into any room. 🙌
1 – arrive early
Now, arriving early isn’t for everyone. Some people find being the first to arrive worse than walking into a busy room. However, arriving early can mean a smaller crowd, making it that little bit less overwhelming to begin with.
2 – say hello to the host
If you’re feeling nervous, make introducing yourself to a rep the first thing you do. This will signal to them that you might want some help with introductions (they’ll do all the intros anyway) and will also make you feel way more comfortable having spoken to someone already.
3 – put your phone away
Scrolling on your phone is just another way of saying “don’t talk to me”. So if you feel like you need a prop, grab yourself a drink (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) and it will have the complete opposite effect – you will come across way more approachable.
4 – reframe nerves as excitement
Feeling excited and feeling nervous can produce nearly identical sensations – pounding chest, restlessness, buzzing. It’s just about reframing how you feel. Tell yourself you’re nervous and you’ll be nervous. Tell yourself you’re excited and it gives you a whole new outlook.
5 – how to leave a conversation
Often people aren’t worried about starting a conversation, they’re worried about being trapped in one. Want a polite way to move on? Try, “I’m going to go and say hi to a few more people, but it was lovely to meet you”. That way you’re no longer scared to end the convo and will feel even more confident when starting a new one.
Remember confidence isn’t a personality trait, it’s a handful of small decisions you can make before, during and after you walk in the room.
what actually happens at an in-person dating event
For years, in-person dating events came in one flavour only: shove 300 people in a room and give them no help whatsoever (absolute hell for shy people).
Which is exactly what we don’t do.
Our in-person dating events are designed to be FUN (if we do say so ourselves). We literally find the best venues in your city – everything from singles crazy golf and cooking classes to climbing and game nights (we even do surf retreats and ski trips). 🤩
Relaxed, group-based activities are our thing. And to calm the nerves? Reps are on-hand throughout the night to ensure everyone feels confident and welcome.
There’s no right or wrong way to date and if bringing a friend with you makes you feel more comfortable, do it – the more, the merrier. But please know that going alone is a lot easier than you might think and our Code of Conduct will ensure you’re always having a great time.
Come see for yourself! 😇
Lucy & Matcha 🐶 x
